Tag: happiness

Happy Sprinkle No. 16: No Good is Too Good

I have a love-hate relationship with pop-punk music.

Sometimes, pop-punk bands produce straight up bangers. Other times, they produce content that sounds sophomoric.

However, at the end of the day, when they do it well, they do it REALLY WELL.

Knuckle Puck (KP) is one such band.

I was introduced to KP a few weeks ago via Spotify. I was immediately hooked by their sound, one that is simultaneouly angry and frustrated, yet beautiful, a vehicle to transport barried emotions and thought to a physical realm.

Perhaps my favorite song by KP is No Good.

Produced in 2013, No Good may be one of the band’s older songs, but it is absolutely one of their best.

Forget being overproduced; the song is emotive and raw, full of frustration and rage as lead vocalist Joe Taylor angrily screams poetically jarring lyrics.

“My mind was a fortress you knew how to rupture…”

“Every word she said, like knives in the back of my head”

“It’s nice to know that I wasn’t worth the seven-digit letdown”

AND, my personal favorites:

“It’s people just like you who make me the pessimist I am!”

“I’m no good, you’re no better!”

Oh man, honestly, this song is like your favorite pair of jeans that hugs and lifts in all the right places.

…It is just too good.

So, without further ado, I give you Knuckle Puck’s No Good:

KP

Happy Sprinkle No. 15: Sam I Am

I work as an inside sales consultant for a publishing company. It is not a bad place to be. From my experience, most of my colleagues are kind, hard working, and oftentimes, passionate about what they do. It is a pleasure and a blessing to be surrounded by such people.

Now, I tend to like most people. But, this colleague, we’ll call him Sam, tops them all.

Sam is in charge of delivering our mail, sorting mail and sending mail. In professional terms, he is the Facilities Specialist.

I don’t remember how it started, but somewhere along the way, we started doing the rocket ship “handshake” every time he stops by my desk with mail or when we see each other in the hallway.

It goes a little something like this:

Each person slowly brings their fists together, as if they are doing a “fist bump”. From there, fists connected, one person raises their pointer finger upward and  the other person releases her closed fist so that her fingers are pointing downward. It’s just an upward motion from there, the pointer finger acting as the head of the rocket ship and the downward pointing wiggling fingers mimicking the fire shooting out of the end of the rocket.

Of course, you can’t forget the sound effects! Usually, I am the one to unapologetically make the swooshing sound that is supposed to resemble the roaring fire.

Now you might be thinking to yourself, “ok, Allie, how old are you? Act you age!”

But my colleague Gordon would have smiled and shook his head and say, “Allie, you live for these moments, don’t you?”

I’d laugh and say “you know me so well.”

Happy Sprinkle No. 10: A Weekend on Cape Cod

Today, my heart is full.

I spent this past weekend on Cape Cod helping at an estate sale.

About three months ago, my colleague, whom I had grown to see as family, passed away from Lymphoma.

He had been everything to me.

He was my mentor when I needed professional advice. He was my friend when I needed one the most. He was my family when I had none.

He is my guardian angel.

He and his wife had a second home on Cape Cod. Over the past five years, he spent many weekends there, doctoring it up and making sure it was the perfect Cape getaway for he and his wife and their guests that rented the home via AirBnB.

The Cape Home carries a piece of his heart.

After he passed away, his wife decided to put the home on the market; she no longer had the love of her life to share it with, and she had enough on her plate with taking care of their year-round home and finishing her doctorate degree.

The house sold in a matter of days. She is set to move out of the home by mid-November.

The estate sale was for this home.

It was a difficult couple of days.

It is emotionally draining, selling the belongings of a deceased loved one:

Handing off the books whose pages he turned with his hands, the cothing that covered his back, the tools he used to build his home, the paintings that touched his very soul.

Yet, through it all, I met some of the most wonderful people.

His wife, one the most intelectual and spirital people I know.

His sister who, until the last week of his life he had been estranged, so spirited and loving.

The Cape Cod residents that came to the sale, some of the most kind and conversational people I have ever met. I could have talked to some of them for days and I felt like I knew them for much longer than only a mere 30 minutes.

This past weekend, despite the emotional and physical difficulties of it, was a gift.

It was Gordon (my colleague), bringing myself, his wife and his sister together to help us to grow and to heal.

It was a reminder that through all of the things that make life confusing and difficult, sad and frustrating, there are other things, bigger things, that make life so beautiful and worth living.

 

 

Happy Sprinkle No. 8: Authenticity

Today, I am thankful for people who make me feel unabashedly like me.

There is something so special about sharing yourself, all of yourself, with another person, without the fear of being judged, ignored or otherwise.

There is something to be said about spending time with someone who makes you feel safe and comfortable, yet more alive than you have ever felt before.

There is something so heart-warming about someone softly tickling your back because you mentioned once that is one of your very favorite things in life.

I don’t know where this is going, but I am glad that I am giving it a chance to grow into something beautiful.

 

 

Happy Sprinkle No. 7: “…but as we”

Have you ever picked up a book, and after the first paragraph said to yourself “….what the hell did I just read?….I didn’t understand a word of this shit, this is CRAP.”

I have.

In fact, I said this to myself multiple times upon trying to start reading The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe.

Upon what must be the 10th time of picking up the book,  I have finally made it past page five! Progress.

While I am not sure if I am fully comprehending what I am reading, I feel like I am on the cusp of a breakthrough, as I have subsequently fallen in love with some of the passages.

For example:

The citizens couldn’t know about the LSD experience , because that door had never opened for them.  To be on the threshold of- Christ! how to tell them about the life here? The Youth had always had only three options: go to school, get a job or live at home. And- how boring each was! – compared to the experience of…the inifinite…and a life in which the subject is not scholastic or bureaucratic but…Me and Us, the attuned ones amid the non-musical shiny-black-shoe multitudes, I- with my eyes on that almost invisible hole up there in the r-r-r-redwood sky… (Wolfe 65)

How eloquent is that?

I find this passage to be rooted in truth, and one that is both sad and mesmerizing.

Lets start with the mesmerizing.

It is mesmerizing because I am about as far removed from the drug scene as one can get, yet, because of this, I am drawn to it, and this passage allows me to partake in it, to experience a realm that I wouldn’t otherwise want or be able to experience.

Despite it being a mesmerizing vehicle of transportation, the passage is one of sad reality.

Isn’t it?

I mean, it so true.

Isn’t it true, that most days, we walk around like zombies, doing and saying what we have been told to, what we have been conditioned to believe is “right”, while never really living our truths?

And we come to believe these conditioned truths.

We forget that at the end of the day,  we are all so beautifully different from each other, yet we are all so wonderfully similar.

We are all so beautifully different from each other, yet we are all so wonderfully similar.

I like plaid. My favorite color is red. Nothing gives me more pleasure than walking the beach, the sand filling the spaces between my toes, the soft sea air that sends my hair swirling around my face to kiss my cheeks.

You like solid print. Your favorite color is beige. You enjoy the sturdy confines of your home, a cocoon of safety, warmth and familiarity (I enjoy this, too).

But you are human. I am human.

We want the same things .

We want love.

We want respect.

We want a place.

We want open and honest conversation.

We want acceptance.

We want life.

We want to live

So lets start doing that.

Lets start to live our best life.

Lets start to live our best life by understanding that being human, being human, being human….

That being human…

Being human is enough.

 

 

 

 

 

“Happy” Sprinkle No. 6: Why?

This is more of a thought than a happy sprinkle. It is not unhappy, it is just a thought, a question.

At what point do you decide to give somone a second chance? At what point do you decide to just let things go and leave them be?

In one of my first posts, I mentioned that someone reached out to me almost two months after he left the company, and almost three years after he had the chance to get to know me in person.

 

Given the circumstances, I chose to believe that the situation was Gods’ way of showing me what was not meant to be.

 

But what if I was wrong? What if it was the other way around?
What if it was to show me that anything can happen? That people change based on their experiences and situation, and that sometimes, it is alright to give someone a second opportunity?

 

My better judgement tells me that this is not the case, that I am holding on to something that I want to be my reality when it is simply not meant to be my reality.

 

But how am I to know for sure if it is not supposed to be my reality if I don’t do anything about it?

 

Maybe, at this point, the better question is why would I do something about it when I have something good going on with someone else?

 

Can or should I approach the situation as if we are talking like “two girls over drinks at Bennigans?” (thanks, Mila Kunis, for the line.)

 

Or is it a lost cause when at the end of the day, I know I am potentially interested in you as more than a friend, and this despite you showing me time and time again that you are really not interested in me?

 

At this point, this should not even be a question let alone something I am thinking about, especially because I am already seeing someone.

 

Do I jeopardize what I share with him over the slightest of slight possibility that something will work out between us?

Or do I “jeopardize” what I currently have in search of something different and potentially more fulfilling?

 

Not that it would even be more fulfilling than what I share with the guy I am currently seeing. This guy, he makes me feel like…me.

 

He makes me feel like me! 

 

That is not something that I have ever experienced before, not even with family and friends.

 

To feel this way around somone, it is a pretty cool thing; it is pretty damn cool to just be and feel like yourself.

 

What a gift. What a treasure, to be able to experience this with someone.

 

So why the hell do I feel like something is missing?

Why can I not just be happy and totally satisfied with what I have?

 

Why do I feel this need to chace after someone and something that is more than likely, just not meant for me?

 

Why?

 

Why?

Why?