It is amazing how life, or God, shows you exactly what is meant to be.
For almost three years, I had an infatuation with my coworker. It was undeniable. Unbreakable. He was the one thing that I couldn’t have, and he was the one thing that I wanted.
He was the first person that made me feel alive, like I had a place, in my new New England home. He was also the first guy that I was interested in after my boyfriend and I called it quits (finally) after almost five years.
Before I knew it, I had fallen for this dude against my better judgement. We were immediate co-workers after all. When he fazed me out, I did not take it lightly.
I felt like it was entirely my fault, like I had done something wrong or bad.
In reality, it just wasn’t meant to be, regardless of who said what or who did that.
Life showed me that the other week. It reminded me that everything works out exactly as it is supposed to.
My coworker is no longer my coworker. He left the company about two months ago. Since he quit, I would be lying if I said that I never wondered what he was up to and how he was liking his new job.
I would be kidding you if I told you that there wasn’t a part of me that hoped he would text me, feel out if I was interested in him in whatever capacity.
When he finally texted me the other week, I was surprised. I was surprised, and I was a mix of other emotions that I didn’t expect to feel.
I was surprised because at that point, I didn’t expect to hear from him. It had been almost two months since he left, so I figured he was long gone.
On top of that, why text me now? Why reach out to me a whole two months after you left the company when you had three years where you could have reached out to me in person? How irritating is that?
I also felt confused, frustrated, and scared.
Confused because I didn’t know your intention for texting me at this point.
Frustrated because of course you would reach out to me when I finally have something good going with someone else.
And scared, because I didn’t want you to ignore me… again.
Turns out that the last three points are perfect illustrations as to why we were never meant to be anything at all except to learn from each other.
Because you did ignore me again.
Because you wasted three years where you could have tried to get to know me in a meaningful way.
Because you are too late: I already have someone that is not only interested in me, but that shows me he is interested in me.
Life, or God, has a funny way of showing us exactly what is meant to be.